Date:	2007-02-25 22:07
Subject:	Mama. Me. Music.
Security:	Public
Mood:	nostalgic

Life has really become different, with more than a year after my mother’s passing. Finding purpose for a lot of things has seemingly turned to be more complicated than ever…a lot of things, really – sometimes even down to what may appear to be an effortless task of choosing what song to sing for a certain moment. I’ve always averred that when I sing, I simply do it for myself. But actually, there was a time when this isn’t exactly how it’s done.

I used to sing for my mother. I’d like to believe that it somehow delighted her – that she was able to find satisfaction with the simplest gestures I offered. Music is the first thing that pops up in my head when I think of the things that make me my mother’s son. She enjoyed listening to classic choices, with her modest collection of cassette tapes and vinyl discs of ABBA, The Carpenters, Linda Ronstadt, Anne Murray and a few more, and this seemed to have rubbed off to me. I remember her humming some tunes for me when I was little, but it gradually became infrequent as my sisters and I got older. She taught me my first songs – from the ABCs to some of Jackson 5/Michael Jackson’s hits. Up to this day, I still find joy and solace singing these to my self - and sometimes to the wind whenever I get the chance to visit her in her resting place (but I try keep it down so as not to show any disrespect to her neighbors).

For this article, I’ll try to forage my brain for some titles that I grew up singing to or with her. With this, I’ll also be sharing with you, my friends, bits and pieces of my history and my heart. (Yeah, I love you like that.)

One Day in You Life by Michael Jackson was very important to Mama, as this was hers and Papa’s love song. I had to, of course, mimic Michael’s high-pitched vocals for this, and perhaps, it worked out my larynx and eventually had its anatomy altered and be adapted to using falsetto to semi-falsetto voice when singing. (Oh, they had another song. Anne Murray’s You Needed Me, but this was just husky and slow, I never really got the kicks singing it.) Mama was really fond of the so-called king of pop; hence there were a few other titles that I had to master by heart: Ben, Music and Me and She’s Out of My Life. My cousins and I used to sing them during family gatherings, and on one occasion, in a public bus, as told by one of my aunts. I hardly remember any accounts of such anymore, but I’m certain that was a very happy day.

I’ve memorized Give Love on Christmas Day even before I learned the lines of Silent Night, Jingle Bells and all those universal yuletide carols. It’s also a Michael Jackson hit, so it’s needless to explain why. Singing this to my mother did not make me any peso richer, but when I got old enough to wander around the neighborhood and do some caroling, I made sure I got my fair share of loose change after doing this song as my solo bit. And then who’s not heard of Jose Mari Chan’s Christmas in Our Hearts? It was played in every home and by every radio station over and over during Christmas of 1990 so who would ever miss that? Our 4th grade class first sang it to our adviser, Ms. Mendoza, who was retiring. It was so melodramatic at that time, everyone cried like famished babies. It wasn’t as sappy singing the same to Mama as it was just one of those attempts to be rewarded with some cash, but looking back, I know I’d give anything to relive that day.

Perhaps one of our happiest moments together happened during the conclusion of my 1st grade. I don’t know if this is done in other schools but what happened was the faculty mustered the highest-ranking students from all nine sections, and held an impromptu competition to decide who will be given the top spots. After a sequence of academic questions, we were asked to step up the stage and do some talent show. I recall being the only kid whose face gleamed when this was announced, as I thought we could get to have some fun after being mashed by math problems. I went after this kid who danced to Name Game, which she did while singing the words at the same time, thus making her pant like hell, eat her words and confuse everyone with what she was doing. I did Whitney Houston’s The Greatest Love of All, and of course I made it a bit mushy (and appealing to the teachers) by dedicating it first to Mama. It was like the first ever diva song I learned. Well, I cannot really claim that I nailed it, but I did get the top honors, perhaps with the help of it. My mom and my adviser went totally berserk when the results were announced. It was a treat watching them freak out like that. Mothers.

My puberty years saw the quandaries that damaged my relationship with my mother. Also during that period, I started to develop my own preferences not just in music but in pretty much everything. The songs shared and the dedications became infrequent until there was almost none. I grew fond of Regine Velasquez, but she apparently did not (but I hoped she liked You Are My Song, which was one of those that I actually dedicated to her but she never got to know about it). I steered my life in a different direction and allowed myself to be drifted away.

And then came Alanis Morissette, and her eclectic music speaking of love and the frustration brought by it. It was during this time when I felt that my mom was reaching out for me. She tried to and actually did appreciate her music, and had asked me a few good times to play my then cassette tape repeatedly. I knew she liked Your House the most. I never sang it to her, as it already felt awkward doing so given that I was already in high school. You know, juvenile thoughts. However, it was comforting to know that my mother and I still hadn’t lost our connection after all and in spite of our growing differences.

I remember a time during high school when I got so sick, I thought I was about to die. It was actually stupid ‘cause I merely got the flu. Perhaps it’s the delirium caused by my high fever and the medication, but strangely, I was lucid enough to recall that I sang Mariah Carey’s Hero while my mother stayed by my side checking my temperature and dabbing me with moist towel to help bring it down. Disoriented or not, I’m sure I meant every line and she deserved it, no less.

Through my senior high school to college, and to the time I was already working, my relationship with my mom had been generally, for the lack of better way to put it, arduous. Both of us held tightly to our pride, and we had been very tough to each other. Tough love as other people might put it, but I know I could’ve done a million and one ways to turn things back to how it used to be for both our sakes. I just didn’t choose to take any of them as I was too proud and too stubborn to see that I was running out of time.

Cancer took Mama away early last year. I felt I was robbed of every chance to actually make her proud and happy of me once again – and do exactly what I knew I have been born to do. I fought hard for those second chances, Mama knows that, though I had a foresight that I would eventually lose the battle. New Year’s Eve, 2005. It was one of those days when my faith was at its weakest. Mama was rushed to the hospital the night before, and she was in terrible pain. I was there watching, not really knowing what to do, feeling all dumb and useless. She calmed down a bit when the nurse gave her some strong pain relievers. Still not aware of what I must do and overwhelmed by my fears, I sat beside her and just…started singing. It was all that my helpless self could ever think of at that moment. I prayed that it would miraculously take her pain and illness away. Hoku’s You First Believed was the song. I didn’t know how I suddenly thought of it, but it felt like I have been searching for that perfect song all my life to dedicate to her, and there I was finally finding it…yet, singing it during the saddest point in our lives. My sister was softly crying by the nearby chair, and I realized I had to stop as I was making our new year celebration even more depressing than it actually was. That was my last chance to sing something special for Mama. Four days later she celebrated her birthday, but we were not able to sing to her the birthday song since she was disoriented and easily-annoyed. After eleven more days, she passed away.

I terribly miss my mother, and writing this actually made me feel a bit worse. It’s exhausting opening up, and my heart seems to have jumped out of my chest – all exposed for you to scrutinize. Having shared much, I’ve ran out of words to close this piece. Let’s just leave it like this: people who know me know how I love music, and perhaps those who will read this article will have a deeper understanding why I would never wish to be parted with it.

Date:	2007-01-28 02:10
Subject:	More blogs on Multiply
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank

Cruel China! Cruel!!!

Multiply just recently got blocked here. Sobrang nakakainis kasi marami na rin akong mga na-post na blogs and pictures dun. I had to migrate back to LJ (ngek, parang napilitan) as I cannot update my stuff there while I'm stepping on Chinese soil.

Anyhoo, as long as you're not in this country, you can freely access my ever-so-missed crib: www.jopearl.multiply.com. May MP3 din dun kaya lang baka di nyo feel taste ko sa music. haha! :)

Date:	2007-01-28 01:47
Subject:	Keep Grudges, Save Friendships
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

It’s really strange how supposed-to-be good conversations swiftly-unexpectedly take a detour and end sour. But I guess it can never be helped especially if grudges from way back have merely been kept at bay just because there’s friendship to keep.

Keep grudges, save friendships. How catchy.

I could be eating these words in the future, fine, but I say this one’s damn lame. It’s not worth it, I mean, saving and counting all these chips on your shoulder and pretending that everything’s fine when you share thoughts, when you dine out or when you do things good friends do. And for what?

So much time squandered.

So many nice words wasted.

So much good moments thrown away.

How would one know if the other is simply waiting for the last straw that’ll break the camel’s back to finally unleash all the veiled bitterness? Should I…you, we…be constantly tiptoeing on eggshells realizing that my…your, our…every move is being watched and might just be taken against me…you, us…if things screw up?

…or is naiveté clouding my psyche…as what happens 99% of the time? Is this how most friendships are sardonically fueled these days? White lies. Masks. Disbelief. Paranoia. Whatever happened to honesty and trustworthiness? And when shortcomings strain the bond, will sincere remorse and forgiveness still suffice to fix the damage?

I’m not sure about a lot of things lately, particularly with my dealings with some people whom I’ve known for quite some time now. I have no intentions of even delving deeper into the issues, as I don’t think I still have enough patience and interest left in me to hustle and look for some answers. I don’t plan to stay upset for it’s not worth it. I’ll just stick to what’s real. I refuse to be conveniently blamed for wrongs that are not even my responsibility at the outset. Nevermore will I take bullets that have other people’s names on them. Clear as sunshine, I ain’t the one conning nobody here.

I keep no deep-rooted aversion towards my friends. My conscience remains clear. Should you be in total disagreement, then I don’t know. Just smite me, I guess.

A poem I just composed last night, after some hearty chat over dinner.

The Dearth of Apology


Neon lights
Enliven the night outside his apartment window;
John Legend fills the room
With soul
With music that drowns the sound
Of the city that is not aware,
Too lively to care;
        On his bed
        He lies, with eyes that lost their luster to the moonlight;
        The azure sheets now tainted
        With crimson
        Fresh, viscous fluid that gracefully
        Seeps its way to the seams
        To kiss the wooden floor;
The dagger
Still rests firmly on his chest, puncturing the heart;
The same blade that exposed his guts,
His spleen
And left slashes on his arms
A surreal work of art
        For the woman
        By his side, with eyes that speak of the unfathomable
        Her teeth gritting, shoulders shivering
        With anger
        And agony and fear and delusion
        Her art is his crime;
Retribution
She seeks, for years of withstanding the unbearable
Her bruises eclipsed by the gaudy lights
Her cries
Muted by the sounds of a city
In trance and decay;
        Crystal tears
        Race down her blood-smeared cheeks, as his pleas,
        Mumbled between every callous bludgeon,
        Reverberates 
        In her head – as darkness embraces
        Lunacy. Damnation.

Date:	2005-06-15 00:29
Subject:	interlude 4: feels like home
Security:	Public
Mood:	downhearted (all of a sudden)

a friend emailed me a link to eRadioPortal.com., through which i'll be able to listen to radio stations in the philippines. right now, i'm listenin' to wave 89.1 (favorite ko). i'll be dozing off in a while...

anything that keeps me connected to anything back home is very important to me. god, i miss my old self...

i'm gettin' teary-eyed. it's happenin' again. crazy things i shouldn't be rememberin' any longer are startin' to flood my thoughts. i really have to find a way to liberate myself from all these pain and regret i've been hidin' inside. i still hurt...so much...shit. the song's not helpin'...

just sleep, please...

Date:	2005-06-12 22:07
Subject:	episode 6: room 444
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchy

i’ve just transferred to a different turf…moved a couple of floors up from my good old “sanctuary/asylum 204”…but nothing appears to have changed a bit…hmm quite…well, except for those stuff that aren’t mine on the other side of this room, and god! this FHM pinup that’s been makin’ me wanna puke my guts out since this mornin’! DEFINITELY NOT MINE but my roommate’s. good thing he’s not here yet. he’s back home. lucky guy. well, not completely lucky cause i heard that the reason for his rushed flight home was to attend to his sick wife, who also happens to be pregnant with their first child. i do pray everything turns out fine for ‘em.

i’m somehow acquainted with this new roommate of mine. we’ve already met and have had a few “hey-how’s-the-weather?-nah-just-fine”-type of exchanges before. the man’s not my age – i’m generation X…i suppose he could be around P or somethin’. he’s tall, dark…and yes, that’s about it. even so, i know him to be a nice person, a man of a few words. he goes deep, they say…but let me just get this out ok…this poster is just not makin’ me feel any comfortable at all! cause you see, aside from the obvious cheap taste (sex bomb dancers yata itong mga babae dito), what bothers me more is “what’s not obvious.” what i mean is, i didn’t really surmise that’s he the type who’s into these things. you know. hard to explain. you need to meet the guy for you to totally understand why i’m creeped out. basta, one more sleazy stuff i find here and i’m outta this room, guinness-record-breaking fast!

***i hear rain outside. yeah, it is rainin’. i wonder if it’s pourin’ in manila, too - i mean this very moment, while i’m composin’ this whateveryawannacallit…***

when is he comin’ back? not sure when, but i think he will certainly return cause his LG mini-home theatre system is still here waitin’ for him! fancy! can’t wait to see the look on his face when he arrives and realizes that he’ll be sharin’ a room with no less than america’s next top model! whoops! enough na. ang sama ko. :p

now let’s see…where should i place this fish bowl filled with potpourri. hmm…i guess it’ll look lovely beside his CD/DVD rack. hehe! and where should i put my pretty mulan snow globe. oooohhh! right here! beside the study lamp! perfect! :)

…and i so swear, when its owner comes back, i’ll make sure this sex bomb girls’ poster will be aptly placed right where it belongs…the rubbish bin. evil! :p

eto lang ha. feeling ko ang malas malas ko kasi malas sa mga chinez ang # 4! tapos room ko 444! leche! hindi naman sila masyadong galit sa akin!

Date:	2005-06-07 23:47
Subject:	interlude 3: p.s. to episode 5 - wok talk!
Security:	Public
Mood:	hungry

yeah! chai just bought this cookware thingy! o davah, bid chinese cuisine buhbye na ba?! well, so far tortang talong, pritong maling and ginisang corned beef pa lang ang naluluto namin dito. wala kasing masyadong time pag weekdays. but we intend to prepare sinigang this weekend. i volunteered pala to cook for them on the weekend after the next. i'm thinkin' of preparin' paksiw na pata (my favorite)pero parang mahirap maghanap ng banana blossoms dito. any suggestions from those who might read this? thanks!

Date:	2005-06-07 23:36
Subject:	episode 5: great things just around the corner
Security:	Public
Mood:	frisky

i totally went berserk upon learning that one of my closest friends is finally getting married! i felt the earth shook when kat personally delivered the news to me. wasn’t ready for anythin’ like that. didn’t even picture she’s gonna be the first one to tie the knot sa barkada cause medyo may “pagka-manang” yan eh. ech! seriously, i’m overflowing with happiness for her.

it’s a dream-come-true for me na rin since i’ve always wished for somethin’ as beautiful as this to happen to all of my friends. i know this ain’t gonna happen to me, but somehow through my friends, at least i get to experience it vicariously! hehe!!!

i prioritized calling her last sunday to fish for more details, plan ahead, and get even more thrilled. throughout the conversation, it seemed as if i’m the one who’s getting married. ganun talaga ako ka-OA. actually, NR lang sya, and ako yung kilig na kilig…and to think the wedding will take place next year pa! what can i do? i just can’t contain the excitement i feel for my friend! i even tried convincing her to hold two weddings, the first one, a conventional church wedding and the other, a lavish traditional chinese ceremony (cause they’re chinoys naman, you know). of course, she didn’t take this seriously. she knows i was in fantasyland during those moments.

…but i didn’t give up that easily! i negotiated even more for a customary chinese engagement party, and even spoke of how proud she should be of her roots and all that exaggerated stuff. she said that she’s actually considering it, but she pointed out clearly that she’ll definitely not walk down the stairs backwards. i didn’t argue further since i know she has issues with balance and grace. joke! she plans to have this party in november. i don’t think i can make it on this one, unfortunately.

we talked for almost an hour but we failed to arrive at any resolution for my biggest concern - what i am going to wear! okay stop. too selfish! this isn’t about me. and besides it’s not really a problem since i have an entire year to figure it out!

…and since i’ll be flying to bangkok this july, i just might find there the perfect ensemble I’m looking for (although i doubt it). yes, i’ll be spendin’ a weekend there. wala lang. shopping lang sa mga markets dun, among other things.

here’s a few of my to-dos on that trip: 1) ultimate shopping experience (sana super mura), 2) find the finest and most effective beauty products in all land!, 3) get a new freaky hairstyle (ano naman kaya ipapagawa ko this time?), 4) eat bugs (charot!), 5) prolly, a summer fling on the side (sigh…), 6) take lotsa pics and strike lotsa poses! Hehehe!!!

wala lang. i’m just glad kahit papano there are amazing things to look forward to pa sa humdrum life na ito. naku naman, i sound as if napaka-ingrata ko. thankful talaga ako. masyado lang akong nako-cornihan sa sarili ko dahil sa puro na lang trabaho yung iniisip ko these past few days. ngayon nga lang ulet ako nakapag-update ng journal ko, obvious ba? nuf said!

Date:	2005-06-03 00:53
Subject:	episode 4: random thoughts
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

random thought #1: love according to science

after eons of research and lab experimentations, scientists have finally arrived at their very own scholarly definition of love. as they put it, LOVE is a biological urge - some sort of a brain activity, although different from the one manifested by sexual desires, but is very much akin to that of hunger, thirst and drug addiction.

i totally abhor this demented concept! why does everything have to be explained by science in the first place?! i honestly don’t see the point.

random thought #2: to work out or not to work out

i haven’t been paying regular visits to the gym lately. and although i haven’t been eating much at present to compensate for the lack of exercise, i somehow can’t seem to trust myself when it comes to dieting. hence, i decided to reinforce this regimen with the help of my trusted ol’ buddy…bulimia. it’s only temporary, until working out becomes a habit again.

if you’ll excuse me, i need to go to the little ladies room………gggwaaarrrrrkkkkk!!!!!! so there…i’m indeed pathetic…and sick.

random thought #3: reawakening dormant passions

i read this poem “sometimes” by my college blockmate and friend, ava. These are her words, i quote:

sometimes

sometimes i wonder
if you ever wonder about me
like i wonder about you

do you still remember the way
we used to do the things we did
and feel the way we felt

sometimes i ask myself
if you ever ask yourself about me
like i am asking about you
like how are you making out with your life

i wish i could tell you
how happy i am right now
but also how i sometimes
still find myself wondering and asking
if you're ever wondering and asking
about me too...

- a.r.l.

this simply hit a cord in me somewhere. i used to write, too, you know…poems and stuff. i want this passion back.

i just need to be inspired again despite the fact that there’s nothin’ blog-able in my life these days.

random thought #4: a little nostalgia on the side

a friend gave me an mp3 of a song i remember loving so much. to be near you by viktoria, taken from the soundtrack of felicity. i was so into that series for quite some time. ‘twas a simple story of a smart gurl from california, making this “almost foolish” decision of goin’ all the way to new york just to follow this boy she really likes.

i almost did somethin’ similar to this some months ago. it’s a great thing i didn’t land on that job. i could’ve regretted it. a blessing in disguise, as we call it.

random thought #5:

i think i’ve done enough thinkin’ for this day. tsaka na lang ulet. :)

***japopsky just called. hehehe!***

Date:	2005-06-02 00:37
Subject:	interlude 2: chittee chattee
Security:	Public
Mood:	ditzy

almost got fooled by someone in YM! it's a good thing i have no tendencies to be sore on these things. and i was sort of aware with what's happenin' so i just went with the flow, and enjoyed the conversation, though i know we're just bluffin' and stuff.

god! can't even remember the last time i had a good conversation with someone - the type which makes me just totally forget about time...and everything! it's just me, the person i'm talkin' to, and the thoughts we share.

kaya siguro pinatulan ko na rin yung sa YM kanina. :)

Date:	2005-06-01 00:53
Subject:	episode 3: the lonesome weekend and the boring days that followed
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

i went to HK last saturday...alone. god! i've never really had a total grasp of the word "solitary" until i experienced it that day. actually, i’m ok just bein’ on my own but sometimes, i must admit, it ain’t fun.

in the beginning, three people were supposed to go there together but the other two backed out the last minute (i kinda saw that comin', though). but then again, i had no choice. had to be in HK cause it’s an OB thing. well, to sum things up, these were the downs and the ups of that day.

the DOWNS:
1. left dongguan 5:30 am to arrive at the kwun tong office on time! jeesh! so early! on a SATURDAY!
2. arrived at the lo wu immigration point too early, ‘twas not even opened yet! just found myself trapped in the middle of all these strange-looking and strange-smelling people. fainting would have seemed to be an overreaction, but that was how i exactly felt during those grueling minutes of waiting. what a way to start my day.
3. i had no email during the day cause my new config has not yet been connected to the HK office local server. didn’t bother to have it fixed, though.
4. my very purpose for being in the HK office turned out to be but five minutes of mere blah, blah! i recall asking myself repeatedly, “now what?!” not really knowin’ what to do, i just took a nap for an hour.
5. now this one’s rich. i was supposed to meet someone at starbuck’s kwun tong at around 2:30. was fuckingly stood up! i waited for an hour and a half, for cryin’ out loud!
6. and so i was all by myself all day, without a gameplan. ‘twas just the bored me…and the busy city.

the UPS (yes, there’s quite a few):
1. was kinda proud of myself. i can go to HK and explore the city on my own. somehow, i’ve already familiarized myself with the places here.
2. had a really nice chit chat with jenny (a co-pinoy luenthaian, whose workbase in in HK).
3. i met paul! such a nice and helpful guy! cute, but sheesh, i’m like three inches taller… :) love his hairstyle!
4. attended an early evening mass at the mariners’ club chapel in tsim sha tsui. sat beside this cute pinoy! really cute! but his mum arrived just when the mass was about to start, and she sat between us. bad deeds don’t really go unpunished…hindi na po mauulit, lord. :)
5. and the highlight of my day! when i was shopping for perfume, this pretty attendant approached me and asked, “for ladies, ma’am?” winner sya! :) di katulad nung experience ko nung binili ko yung britney spears perfume sa ibang store dati. Nung sinabi kong, “i’ll take this one,” tiningnan ba naman ako at sinabing, “…but this is for women…” naku, muntik ko nang ma-jombags ang lola mo! pinandilatan ko na lang at sinabi ko (in my most pa-sosyal na voice), “I know.”

although my weekend didn’t turn out to be as enjoyable as i hoped it would be, but at least i got to take home a cool scent, CK One Summer. Highly recommended!

Well, as if boredom is the theme for this month, my experiences for monday and tuesday aren’t even worth sharing. They’re all about work because of the brand management meeting, which I decided not to attend to since i got tons of workload still waiting to be started. sigh…i really need some spice in my life.

Date:	2005-05-31 02:04
Subject:	interlude 1: oh darn...
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy

grabe! super daming work! kakatapos ko lang imagine. brand management meeting na naman kasi eh. just gonna update this tomorrow. god! i'm so exhausted!

Date:	2005-05-27 03:38
Subject:	episode 1: major makeover
Security:	Public
Mood:	quixotic

i bought me a flat iron today. sounds like one helluva story, huh?! yeah, i know it's crap. truth is, i'd laugh at someone who'd tell me that this was the highlight of his/her day. okay, i might even find it pathetic. but then again, look who's wearing the dunce hat right now. damn...

this, and a few other not-your-usual "cool" things pretty much make up my so-called life these days - a gargantuan shift from the one i chose to leave behind in manila. 'twas just a few months ago when i used to spend most of my time just chillin' out with friends, plannin' somethin’ grand for the weekend (some materialized, some just remained as nifty blue prints), turnin' the office into a karaoke bar, gettin' boozed up on several episodes - just havin' a great time, the yuppie way. i remember (and miss so badly) those endless laughs, witty conversations, the occasional drama, the unmatched and inexplicable bliss brought by a serving of starbuck’s mocha frappe after a day’s arduous work, and all that! i used to live a life that’s always on the go, and it seemed that everything then was just as “cool” as it could ever be.

…and suddenly – “major makeover”! my somehow rushed decision of havin’ a new (not necessarily better…) career eventually brought me here in the middle of nowhere in china, where hygiene is comparable to nokia 5110 – most people have just totally forgotten about it.

my life radically changed. gone were those days of loudness and restlessness, and now comes the era of simplicity and prudence. (still, i bathe at least twice a day. hygiene is very important to me.) fastfood days are close to being over since the nearest KFC is like five kms. away and we don’t usually go there (a little inconvenient). (but bathing is still a very usual activity for me.) the nearest plush malls (i mean really plush!), good movie houses and starbuck’s are in shenzhen, which is two hours away from our place, and goin’ there feels like havin’ an excursion since we need to charter vans for transport, we still have to schedule it like twice every month, and we go in big groups (just like when we watched star wars last sunday). this is so unlike makati, where the where-to-be places are just a stone’s throw away.

(fyi, a two-hour drive in china is really far since traffic jams are so uncommon here.)

although i live in a hotel-ish dormitory, where almost all my needs are being catered to, it still isn’t in a city, you know. it still lacks the vivacity and the momentum - the essential things which fuel my gusto and enthuse me. but hey! make the most of what’s there, so they say. so instead of just whining and mulling over how boring my life has become, i just thought of changing my perception of what’s cool, and i began looking for things that perfectly fit this new definition. here are the coolest things i’ve discovered so far:

1. hong kong (live it! love it!)!
2. 2-hour facial and massage!
3. a full body massage!
4. wicked shopping!
5. cheap dvds!
6. “puppy”!
7. gym!
8. endless ktv sessions!
9. basically, havin’ more time for yourself!

goin’ back to my new flat iron…i guess it’s not an embarrassing thing after all, seriously speakin’. it’s but a part of another really cool thing we call “livin’ independently” (the 10th on my list…and so the list goes on.).

and lastly, you wanna know the true reason why i bought that piece of domestic device? because it’s purple, most certainly my favorite color!

Date:	2005-05-26 01:56
Subject:	prologue
Security:	Public
Mood:	droopy

these are the first words of this journal. they should be rich and enticing, i know...but i'm just not myself right now...and it's 2:00 AM. for all we know, i could just be dreamin' right now...creatin' this account and composin' this first entry. for all i know, this might just be a lot like love in my life...practically illusory. blah! i really must get me some sleep!